O, bakit ka nalulungkot? Parang biernes santo ang iyong mukha..ahh....akala mo ba nakalimot na ako? ..siguro, akala mo nakapagtanan na ako sa ibang kabit ko?..ako pa... ako yata ang legal, lucky at latest wife mo.

Sana naman ay magprosper ang iyong career sa 2006 para marami tayong panggastos at sana'y wag ka pang tubuan ng wrinkles hangga't hindi ka pa nagkakaanak sa akin.

O ayan, pinaghirapan ko yan para sa'yo kaya bati na tayo, okay? 

Ito ang aking pabaong belated christmas gift at advance new year paputok. Enjoy!

1. does jennifer love hewitt?
2. where did vincent van gogh?
3. is marvin gaye?
4. why is norman black?
5. where did sandara park?
6. is chow yung fat?
7. what did henry sy?
8. why is alonzo mourning?
9. is lucio tan?
10. when will orlando bloom?
11. is halle berry good?
12. what do scooby doo?

Nakakabobo noh? Nasabaw yung utak ko dyan. Hindi kinaya ng brain cells ko.

Sana naman ay naenjoy niyo ang mga pasko niyo. Ako? Nagenjoy nga, pero tumaba naman. Haay. Bahala na. Basta't ang importante ay ang sayang naidudulot sa bawat pag kagat ng litson galing kay Mila at pagnguya ng chocolate cake galing sa bakeshop ni Julie.

Goodluck na rin sa aking mga mata sapagkat ito'y namumugto sa kadahilanang allergic yata ako sa kwarto ni Ana. Kahit paluwa na ang aking mga mata at maleta na ang aking eyebags, ako'y nagsaya pa rin sapagkat masaya maglaro ng bullshit/bitch/bitsss at makanood ng *tooooooooooot* kasama niyo. Kahit na parang tuyong basahan [eh?] na ang aking buhok sa kaka-curl ni ana, inaasahan ko pa rin ang susunod na overnight. hehe.

Para kay Ana: BI ka talaga! [I'm not complaining though] Ano? Nirape mo na ba yung tv niyo. Huwag mong lamugin si Ling dyan, may one-on-one appointment pa siya sa akin. Painumin mo ng isang timbang extra joss, ayt? 

Para kay Eliz: *in the tune of Hallelujah* Sinong tanga? Sinong bobo? Isigaw pangalan niya! Eliiiiiiiz Marceloooooo!........PEACE

cheerio!

      This was not written today. Maybe i wrote this yesterday, two days ago, 4 weeks ago, 12 months ago or 3 years ago. But i chose not to post this the moment i jotted it because i wasn't ready yet [a nice euphemism in saying, i still have to polish both the text and my psychological state]. i still had to sort out my emotions for once.

One last thing, i desire no pity from you.

PAST. People always say that they would love to go back to yesterday.

Exclude me. I hate going back to the past. I get left out whenever people starts reminiscing about childhood/ pre-adoloscent memories since i have no fun memories that i can recall. I hate to think about that part of my life because it has given me hatred to myself and made me declare myself ugly. Back then, i was a vulnerable and meek prey surrounded by vehement predators who pretended to care.  I once thought that isolation is the solution to everything. And when i think about it, i once considered myself a schizophrenic because i showed different faces to different people. Even if i disliked it, i resorted to pretending for i don't like to disappoint the selected few who has shown me compassion from the start. I never had true friends who was willing to see what i was yearning to show to the world. I endlessly struggled to find mistake in me. Soon, I realized that the mistake was on them. There was no one who was attentive enough to hear the shouts and cries in my forced soft voice. They were too blinded by the lies and the mockings to see the true friend in me that they never had. They knew me as a submissive and aloof being, but i knew myself as a human filled with wrath and hatred for them just waiting to be unleashed.

Lucky for them, i decided not to throw the grudges i had held unto them. But then, every emotions should and will have a way out of the person. In my case, there is still a longing to fight and that for me is proving that i can move on no matter what.

[But wait, fighters are not quitters. The heck. I was still in a state of emotional chaos [even now, maybe?] to realize that. ]

Gahd. I am such a slow person to later realize the obvious. Moving on isn't really about forgetting. Even if i change myself 360 degrees, there is still a rotten person in me that devours my sanity and anticipates my [and also other people's] downfall. The error i did [and still doing] was i ignored those little outbursts and cries at the back of my head. I resolved problems by brushing the hurt and anguish away.  I joined the masquerade by always plastering a smile on my face and pretending not to hurt when i really do, scared that i might lose the people who i've already allotted a space in my heart. My systems were already used to burying unwanted things, and little did i realize that the wrath and hatred have piled up and are already bursting, little by little. Those trivial emotions that i brush off would mount up to a bigger disaster. Later did i realize that concealing the unwanted would create a de ja vu worse than the one i had when i was in elementary.

I once blamed them for my weakness. Now, i just can't forgive myself.

The sole purpose of this entry is not to gather sympathy from you nor to pose as a misunderstood and worthless human being but to help myself carry on to the present and the future. I also dedicate this to those who have loved me because i believe that i haven't loved them back. Another intention of mine is to expose the scars of the past so you and i can continue on opneing up our hearts to each other,[Clarification:This is not a mushfest.]

PS. I just want to apologize to those people who I have harmed [in a way] by not wholly opening up to them.

      "The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present."--Barbara de Angelis

Bow.